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My Holiday Star

by Alexandra Y. Caluen

A M/M holiday romance novella about finding your way home.

Rhett Carpenter’s early fame ended with a crash. Sixteen years later, he’s working steadily: writing, producing, narrating, even acting. He’s made a decent life for himself. The trouble is, he never wanted a life that was only for himself, and he’s not sure he wants this one anymore.

Gabriel Aguilar didn’t know who Rhett was when they met on the train, but it didn’t take long to find out. They noticed each other around the neighborhood, as well as on the Metro. Months later, when Gabriel’s apartment burned down, Rhett offered the vacant studio behind his house.

They weren’t close, but they were friends. So when Rhett needed someone to reach out, Gabriel did. And before long, they were much more than friends.

Adult situations, themes, and language; 34000 words and a happy ending.

Content alert for depression.

Excerpt:

I didn’t get in touch with my parents right away. Or at least, I didn’t mention hosting Thanksgiving. After that talk with Gabriel, I started my daily walks again. That was painful at first, because everybody who recognized me asked about Bette. But then they were all so sorry, and so kind. Telling me she was a good dog, and good dogs never really leave us.

In between that and work, I went on a decorating binge. Got the porch all set up, and Jesus, it was so easy to make it look nice. I didn’t have many DIY skills but I could at least put up drapery. The following Sunday, I knocked on Gabriel’s door and asked him to come see.

He followed me right out, across the scruffy patch of yard between driveway and screen door, brushing his shoes off on the new welcome mat and stepping inside. “Wow, dude. This looks great. Your folks are gonna be impressed.”

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I’d found blackout drapery in a shimmery kind of beige and hung it all around the porch, with shower liners on the screen side to protect the fabric from what passed for weather. String lights fastened to the drapery rods, a big indoor-outdoor rug, and a new six-seat dining set. That was indoor-outdoor too; metal frames, with a glass top on the table. I’d dressed it up for him with a tablecloth that looked good with the chair cushions. “Still need to get those loungers out of here.” They were crammed up against the wall of the house.

“My people can be here next Saturday, get that garage cleared out for you.”

“Great. Fantastic.” I blew out a breath. This was where I might be jumping the tracks. “I had another idea, and you can say if it’s a bad one.”

“Mmm?”

“They’re not going to buy me hosting T-day with my tenant.”

“Your – oh. Ooh.” He stared at me, but not in an offended way. I’d’ve sworn he was pleased. “You need a fake boyfriend.”

The truth was, I needed a real boyfriend, and the more I thought about Gabriel the more I knew who I wanted that boyfriend to be. I wasn’t above easing into it from the side. “I’ve mentioned you before. This guy I see when I go to the office. We met up when I was walking Bette. His apartment burned down. He’s living in the studio unit. They won’t be surprised.”

He still looked kind of pleased, but he said, “Will they think I’m an opportunistic leech who only wants you for money and fame?”

I shouldn’t have laughed, but I couldn’t hold it back. “Shit, I didn’t mean to laugh, sorry. It’s a good question. Maybe, until they meet you. Then they’ll know better, especially if you let them see your space.”

Stepping into the studio earlier that week, I could hardly believe it. After all, the first night he stayed there he had literally nothing but a bike, a laptop, his phone, a file box, and the clothes he stood up in. I’d loaned him a card table and folding chair excavated from the Garage of Doom, and a blow-up mattress from the back of my closet with beach towels to throw over it. I mean, it was a step up from a homeless shelter – at least it was private, with the kitchenette and a full bath – but not a big step.

Now he had a Progressive desk like mine with an ultrawide monitor, a high-quality task chair, a daybed, and a dinette set. Couple of nice small rugs, for warm feet getting out of bed or sitting down to eat. Framed family pictures on the wall in the kitchenette. It all said this guy was stable, organized, and doing fine for money. He had one of those cube shelves, two high by four wide. It was full of books and topped with a stained-glass lamp he told me his cousin made.

There wasn’t a lot of open floor space now, but everything looked great with the vinyl flooring and the lighting I’d installed. He hadn’t bothered with covering the awning windows on the fireplace wall. They were too high up to make a person feel exposed, and the glass was tinted anyway. Gabriel told me he watched TV on the big monitor. He also said he’d been saving for good furniture whenever he finally moved out of that garage apartment, and that he had renter’s insurance. Now he said, “I’m gonna get a cushion made for that brick bench under the windows. And I was wondering about the fireplace.”

“I have no idea if it works.”

“That’s what I was wondering.”

It made me almost laugh again. “I never had a specific inspection for it. Let me get someone in to do that. Sweep the chimney, or whatever, and make sure the gas line is safe. That would be cool, right? Having a working fireplace?”

“I’d love it,” he agreed. “I could see it from bed. Probably never turn on the furnace.”

And shit, I probably shouldn’t be thinking how much I’d like to be in bed with him, looking at a fire. My libido woke way the hell up in the past week. “Then your place would really look like a prosperous tech guy’s bachelor pad.”

“The kind of place someone would live who didn’t need to leech off of you.”

“Not that I’m this super rich guy.” I don’t know why I said that. Maybe because I needed him to know we weren’t so far apart. I’d had enough money of my own to buy this little property south of the airport, and enough to live on in a modest way. The work I did was for money. Until and unless I got cast again in something major, I’d always need to be looking for a job. He probably had a higher monthly income than I did. But the truth was, I still had a lot of money, and the fact that it was mostly in a retirement account didn’t make me less rich. I looked around the porch again. “Anyway, so I did all right here.”

“You did good here. Like you’ve been decorating all your life.”

I gave him a look and he laughed. Then I suggested a cup of coffee, out here, because it was a nice day. He said something about maybe walking down to the supermarket for a pastry. I said I’d do that if he’d scramble us some eggs. It felt kind of daring, but he said he’d love to.

COLLAPSE
Reviews:Bob-O-Link on Rainbow Book Reviews wrote:

Let’s start with two good news items: ‘My Holiday Star’ is a lovely, satisfying adult read, with three-dimensional characters developing on the page before us – and – (but maybe this isn’t good news!) the book is plot- and character-driven and so may well be read holding it in both hands! Sorry to disappoint any potential readers hoping for that additional soupçon of excitement.

Rhett, at thirty-six, has a history of acting since having been a child, but now is long between active engagements. Past emotional difficulties (including the recent loss of a beloved pet and the occasional misuse of recreational drugs) have made him well aware that the “abyss of nothing” (i.e., suicide) could well be his future. But Rhett seems determined that the abyss not be his enemy; he needs to gain control of his own life again. Thus, the opening theme presents Rhett’s ambivalence concerning surviving and going forward. Unusual for so much current gay lit, ‘My Holiday Star’ isn’t about wanting sex, getting sex, regretting sex, and interminably narrow viewpoints about sex. Rather, it is a fine construct of fully-rounded main characters and their separate and joint developments. Rhett’s and Gabe’s evolving relationship is surprisingly different, more dependent on character than mere coital desire.

Even Gabriel’s past is tainted with a four-month marriage ending when his husband found it too “boring”.

We can now say goodbye to our constituency of hedonists, as we delve into the joinder of our main characters. They become friends, roommates. They plan Thanksgiving as an occasion for a fake boyfriend trope as Rhett invites his parents to dinner. They cooperate in redecorating. They grow, with Rhett, particularly, gaining strength and hope. And as anticipated, trope becomes truth, fake becomes genuine, validating the author’s literary talent.

Conversations between adults are perfect; the main characters communicate; Rhett and his therapist enlighten us; grownups are actually talking as adults to their parents. Sex, when present, is almost incidental to the plot – though clearing passionate and fulfilling. The heroes realize that they will deserve love only when they feel secure, and what is wanted isn’t just an affair but a true relationship. Author Caluen masters the flow of events and people just perfectly and with great insight. Let’s “… make sure we’re not mistaking drama for romance.”

Ordinarily, I would offer a plethora of piquant quotes from the work being reviewed – a clever (cheap?) proof of the pudding. Not here, as the style itself is so essential to full enjoyment. This is how quality gay romance for grownups should be written. Enjoy, please.

Ulysses on Queeromance Ink wrote:

As I’ve come to expect, Alexandra Caluen does it just right. This is a delicate little love story, with some dark undertones that in no way make it a dark or angsty story. Caluen manages the language and the setting so deftly that, to me at least, it felt real. For a classic m/m romance, this was like experiencing someone else’s life.

Rhett and Gabriel. Neighbors who know each other in a sort of casual way, until the day that Gabriel’s home burns down (careless fireworks in the neighborhood) and Rhett offers him his unused studio apartment by the garage. This detail alone is very California, very Los Angeles. You don’t get these in the East much.

But then, or in fact right away, you learn that Rhett is depressed, and that Gabriel, in the most delicate, loving way, pulls him back from the edge. Gabriel sees what’s going on, and interferes without being intrusive or judgmental. He acts with respect and from a place of generosity and genuine humanity. From that point on the story continues to alternate between Rhett’s and Gabriel’s viewpoint – made more interesting by the fact that each man talks about the other man as much as he talks about himself.

There is not a lot of “action” in this – just as in Caluen’s other “LA Stories.” People live their lives, and in this case two youngish men live their lives near each other in ever-tightening circles.

Rhett’s life history is the more complicated, which we gradually learn until we feel we fully understand why he ended up in the dark place Gabriel found him. Gabriel, on the other hand, also has a sad story, but not an unusual sad story in this modern world. His hardship has brought him into Rhett’s world, and awakens Rhett’s need to look outside himself recognize how he can make someone else feel better, and together they begin to find their way into happiness.

5 Stars.


About the Author

A long time ago and three thousand miles away, I wrote my first novel - a historical romance - during graduate school. Twenty years later I finally dusted it off and published it. Since then I have written and published many more novels and novellas; all romance, most contemporary. My characters (of various genders and ethnicities) range in age from eighteen to sixty-five, with the average falling in the mid-thirties. I'm inspired by authors like KJ Charles, Laurie R. King, Dick Francis, and Jennifer Crusie. I've lived and worked in Los Angeles since 1995.

Statement regarding AI: all works published under the names Alexandra Caluen and A.Y. Caluen were written entirely by the human being legally named Alexandra Y. Caluen, utilizing no AI tools. This author does not grant permission for any use of the works in machine learning or generative AI.

All cover art for the works published as A.Y. Caluen was created by the human being named RK Young. The author image used on A.Y. Caluen paperbacks was created by RK Young with AI tools.