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The Lies We Tell Ourselves

by Daniel Elijah Sanderfer

A lie is an assertion that is believed to be false, typically used with the purpose of deceiving someone.

What is a lie? Is it still wrong to lie if you know the truth will hurt someone? Often times lies start out small; an attempt to save someone from unnecessary hurt but does the same scenario apply when you’re lying to yourself.

Lies are like a blackhole, the further you continue to slide into the unknown the harder it is to get back out. They begin to consume you. Every aspect of your life begins to revolve around them until you’re uncertain what is true anymore.

Once upon a time, I was happy. There was a light that illuminated from deep within my soul, but as time passed the light began to fade; snuffed out by the lies I kept telling myself.

“Everything’s fine.”

“I’m okay, honestly.”

“Yes, I’m happy…”

But I haven’t been happy years. Often times I sit and contemplate when things changed. When did the happiness glowing inside of me begin to fade? When did the overwhelming sadness creep in and turn me into the person I am today? Distant, cold, and emotionless, like stone.

Once upon a time, I was young and beautiful with a heart full of hope and head full of dreams, but now the youthful luster of my skin has faded into ashen gray. The twinkle that once shined so brightly in my eyes has ceased and the boyish smile that graced my lips has now succumbed to the disappointment my years on this earth have shown me.

Once upon a time, I was in love. A love that burned brighter than the sun on a summer day. But now my heart is like a garden in winter, barren and dead. Only showing the skeletons of the life that once thrived there. I’ve been waiting, hoping, wishing, that spring would come for a long time now---but it hasn’t.

Jason has been married to his husband Wilson for sixteen years but when Wilson contracts a life-threatening flu he ends up in a coma. When he wakes up, Jason discovers that Wilson had a stroke and will need help with every aspect of daily life. To make matters worse, Wilson can barely remember the life they had before and begins taking his frustrations out on Jason. Frustrated and lonely, Jason begins searching for someone, anyone who can ease his pain and help him cope with overwhelming loneliness.

Sherman is a sixty-eight-year-old widower, he's a retired firefighter and ex-soldier trying to cope with life without his wife. He's always had a secret attraction to guys but was never able to act on his feelings until now.

When he meets Jason on a popular hookup app he's just hoping to get laid, but what he discovers is a beautifully broken boy looking for safety in the arms of a comfortable stranger. Can Sherman handle the guilt of being the other man? Can Jason keep his secret from Wilson or will he be caught in a lie? Join Best Selling Author Daniel Elijah Sanderfer for this  beautifully dark love story about the effects of mental abuse and cheating.




This book is on:
  • 1 To Be Read list
Publisher: Independently Published

Character Identities: Bisexual, Gay

Tropes: Age Difference, Coming Out Later in Life, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Healing Power of Sex, Hurt / Comfort

Setting: Western, Kentucky

Languages Available: English, Arabic, Chinese, Dutch, Filipino, French, German, Greek, Hebrew, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Norwegian, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, Swedish, Vietnamese


About the Author

Daniel Elijah Sanderfer is a retired Hospitality Manager who currently resides in Southern Indiana with his husband William. Originally from the Blue Ridge Mountain region of Virginia, he moved to Indiana to be closer to his then fiance. They have been married for two years and together for fifteen total years. He was always interested in writing even from a young age and was featured in a few poetry collections as a teen. When he is not writing he is caretaker, as his husband is disabled and requires full-time care. He enjoys going to antique stores and in the summer weekend long yard sales. He currently writes LGBT fiction with a positive direction as he feels too many love stories experience tragedy. He likes to highlight the stories that survived. The couples who fought to stay together and the families that do accept them.