And God Belched

by Rob Rosen

And God Belched - Rob Rosen
Editions:Paperback: $ 14.99
ISBN: 1641220848
Pages: 212
Kindle: $ 6.99
ISBN: B078GG9L4P
Pages: 204
ePub: $ 6.99PDF: $ 6.99

In this riotously funny romantic adventure, Randy and his younger brother, Craig, find themselves in a different universe, on a strange planet, desperately searching for Milo, a handsome stranger in imminent danger, all while being chased by the heavily armed local authorities. And that's just the start of this epic journey. But what else does fate have in store for our brave heroes? And can one human save two worlds, the handsome alien he's fallen in love with, his entire family, and a self-aware watch? Read on, dear Earthlings, to find out!

Excerpt:
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters, and God said, “let there be light,” and there was light.
 
Um, you know, sort of.
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Actually, in the beginning, God belched out a universe—a big bang of a belch, in fact. It was, so it’s told elsewhere, an odoriferous, gaseous cloud of a rumbling belch. And like all good belches, it was followed by several smaller ones, each forming their own universes, which spread out and filled that above-mentioned void.
 
Ours was belch number four, the very last one. God had to pound his expansive chest to get that one out. “Oomph,” He said as our existence was made manifest, as out atoms spread outward, trailing those other far greater universes, just before that famous light was flicked on.
 
Click.
 
Picture, if you will, four bubbles floating through the blackness, turning end over end as they rapidly grew and expanded, as molecules collided and elements formed: hydrogen and helium and lithium—so that many years later we could have zeppelins and balloons and long-lasting batteries, and all because God was a bit gassy one day.
 
Anyway, that first belch, that first universe, went to the right; we veered leftward. Those other two, well, they’re not really pertinent to this story. So, for the sake of argument, let’s just say that one went up, the other down. Ta-ta, sister worlds. Live long and, um, prosper.
 
A year went by, two, then fourteen billion, give or take. I, too, was made manifest: Randy—both a name, namely mine, and an apt adjective. Made, in fact, by mom and dad, belching my way into the void on a cold January morning. Yep, just like it’s said, we truly are made in His image, at least in belching ability.
 
In any case, on that same January morning, in a universe far, far away—sort of, though, uh, not really—another baby boy was born: Milo. Well, that’s what I called him, anyway. Or at least would, at a time when those two universes happened to decide to play bumper cars together. In any case, his real name was close to a dozen letters long, strung together with nary a vowel to be had. I tried to pronounce it once, and was instantly stricken with a sore throat.
 
But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here.
 
Back to me, Randy—the name, for the time being, not the adjective. I was born in San Francisco, the city by the bay, the city by the gays. I lived high upon a hill, one of the steepest in the city, sort of like a prince in a castle. Though our home was made of steel, not brick, not wood, not even stone. The architect was hoping to design a quake-proof house, or so the legend went. And like so many legends, such was not even close to the actual case, as it turned out. Anyway, we froze in the winter and melted when the sun poked through the endless fog. In other words, our house was wisely one of a kind.
 
“High upon a hill lives Prince Randy, clad in his ermine cape and golden crown, scepter raised in royal salute.” The story rolled off my mom’s tongue as she fed me Gerber’s mashed peas: my favorite.
 
FYI, the cape was my blankie, not ermine so much as polyester. The crown was a yellow bowl bought at Safeway. I still own said crown. Now I use it for cereal, as opposed to headwear. The scepter was my rattle. It was bequeathed to my younger brother a couple of years later. These days, I lift my cell phone in royal salute.
COLLAPSE
Reviews:Serena Yates on Rainbow Book Reviews wrote:

If you like improbable stories that stretch your imagination, if you believe that two men from parallel universes deserve a happy ending just like anyone else, and if you're looking for an entertaining read that might just make you laugh, cross all available fingers and toes for the various characters involved in this action/adventure, and bite your fingernails because you have no idea what else to do, then you will probably like this novel as much as I do. It's extraordinary in a whole new way!

on Bayou Book Junkie:

Wow, Rob Rosen has done it once again. And God Belched is his customary laugh out loud romantic comedy adventure that this time delves into Science Fiction. I'm not sure how he is able to tackle so many themes or genres from Contemporary to Superheroes to Alien Planets but every time I pick up one of his titles I know I'm going to be in for a fun ride.

MelanieM on Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words wrote:

I give up really trying to tell you all what's going to happen here, other than saying it's an exhilarating, crazy, did they really just stop and have sex in the middle of the action, why yes they did, hilarious science fiction story. There's some poignancy, because Rosen also roles that way, but mostly statements on governments, boredom, genetics, and the future of the human race.

Andrew Peters on Queer Sci Fi wrote:

The brothers’ adventure is cleverly plotted and nicely paced, maintaining internal logic in a futuristic world, and I can tell you that’s not at all easy to do with such material. In spite of Randy’s internal preoccupation with sex, there’s an air of innocence and sincerity to the story, which makes the romantic storylines sweet and unassailable. Rosen knows how to tap into the reader’s happily-ever-after imagination, and here a campy, sci fi setting becomes a compelling tableau for what is ultimately a pretty wholesome story of boy-meets-boy.


About the Author

Multi-award-winning and best-selling author/editor/anthologist Rob Rosen is the author of Sparkle: The Queerest Book You'll Ever Love, Divas Las Vegas, Hot Lava, Southern Fried, Queerwolf, Vamp, Queens of the Apocalypse, Creature Comfort, Fate, Midlife Crisis, Fierce, And God Belched, and Mary, Queen of Scotch. His short stories have appeared in more than 200 anthologies. You can find 20 of them in his erotic romance anthology Good & Hot. He is also the editor of Lust in Time: Erotic Romance Through the Ages, Men of the Manor, Best Gay Erotica 2015 and Best Gay Erotica of the Year, Volumes 1, 2, 3 and 4. Please visit him at www.therobrosen.com


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