Thia’s Muse: Kinkology – diving into domestic discipline

Okay, if you are attracted to reading kink even somewhat lightly, you know what BDSM is, but have you heard of domestic discipline? I write a lot of different genres, some of which I obviously have nothing to do with – like sci-fi and fantasy – and genres with which I have real life experience: BDSM and Domestic Discipline.

Now first off, let me state that anyone’s beliefs about either subject are their opinions – so take everything I say as my opinion of how things work. Just because me and my partner see things ‘this’ way, does not mean another person will. (Welcome to the wonderful world of kink.)

BDSM is an overall acronym that covers so many different activities, actions, and beliefs that to bundle them all under one four-letter abbreviation is a bit amusing. B&D: Bondage & Discipline, S&M: Sadism & Masochism, and D&S: Domination & Submission. (First note: D/s is pretty much an online and fictional way of spelling out D&S. It’s now considered common usage, so authors use it, but that doesn’t mean that’s how it’s used outside of online/fictional works.)

Some people who are into domestic discipline count themselves as a subsection of BDSM as a whole. The D part for discipline and domination (and the addition of domestic) and the S part for submission. They may–or may not–also be involved with kink.

Another group of DD’ers scream, cover their ears and eyes, and stomp their feet if you even suggest DD is a subsection of BDSM, because they see BDSM as kink and DD as a deep relationship.

They are both right, so see it whichever way you want.

Domestic discipline is practiced by families of all orientations. Most DD’ers tend to keep their lifestyle to themselves as people have the tendency not to understand and make judgments that aren’t correct and can harm.

The two main ‘terms’ for the dominant in a DD relationship is ‘Top’ or ‘Head of House’ (HoH). To be honest, except for picking up the term in literature, it doesn’t matter what you call it – after all, if you live it, it’s your relationship, not anyone else’s.

The three main ‘terms’ for submissive in a DD relationship is ‘Bottom’, ‘Taken in Hand’ (TiH), or ‘Brat’. Brat in this instance is not about personality, it’s just a term.

The premise in a DD relationship is that the two, three, or however many are included in the relationship, create rules that the TiH has to follow or discipline comes into it. The method of discipline is handled and chosen by the HoH. For much of literature, spanking is most used as the form of discipline, but then spanking is a pretty large kink and so a popular form of genre romance.

In BDSM, discipline can be used for many reasons – and in a lot of BDSM lit, they use the word punishment – which drives me nutty. To me, punishment is more about the HoH or D and less about the TiH or S. I prefer discipline – it’s about righting wrongs, it’s about getting rid of guilt, and it’s about freeing the TiH from whatever is going on that forced them to act out.

Now I’ll be the first to admit, you have to watch when you get books that say they are DD. Some are still purely about spanking. So be forewarned.

However, if you’re interested in domestic discipline, its emotional reasons, as well as the usage in a relationship, try out one of my M/M DD Romance series: Men of Falcon Pointe and All They Ever Needed (which is currently on early release and on sale.) Yes, there is spanking in them, but the mental & psychological effects also come out. And for those who just want spanking… it’s there too 😉

Okay, I must get back to writing. I have a few characters who are chattering in the back of my head and won’t shut up.

Now, where’s that pen of mine?

is a writer by day and supernova by night. Or at least that’s what the faeries tell her. And who is she to deny those pesky *cough* lovely little creatures?

She lives in the Pacific Northwest, though her heart belongs elsewhere. In the meantime, until she can return to the place she calls home, she happily lives in a city that still thinks it’s a small town. Thankfully, it has given her muse lots of amusing places to start a story.

4 thoughts on “Thia’s Muse: Kinkology – diving into domestic discipline

  1. Good explanations. I like living a normal relationship spiced with Domestic Discipline. I can be myself, tease, have Boundaries that protect me and it’s intimate with one you love and trust. We can laugh and play or have serious scene. But we aren’t Master/slave. We are normal husband and wife. That’s why I enjoy reading a good conflict conversation between Parties. I’ve enjoyed your writing Thia ty

  2. There is so much confusion on this topic, especially in literature. It’s refreshing to have somebody acknowledge the fact that there is actually a difference. One key difference I see most of the time – though not always – is that BDSM/kink most often has a sexual component a.k.a. the participants get turned on by the activities. DD, on the other hand, isn’t typically sexual in nature. Discipline isn’t supposed to be a turn on. It’s literally meant to change the behavior.

Leave a Comment